So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
