Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
