u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
