I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
