I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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