have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
