I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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