Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Everyone says I win the strip club
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
