I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
