Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
