If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
