Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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