Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
