Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My feet surprised me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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