I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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