think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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