My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What a dumb baby whore.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
