She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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