Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
