get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
