i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
