ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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