dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You smell like stripper and shame
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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