I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
