just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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