I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
