There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
