It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
