No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
