hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
