The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
