My nipple is on Facebook.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
