So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
