i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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