my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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