i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
