you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
why is half of my head shaved?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
