Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
