well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
