guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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