This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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