Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
