Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
