she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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