is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
