Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
