I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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