God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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