I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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