Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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