Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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