Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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