she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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