You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
