haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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