don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Too much gin, very little bucket
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
