I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
