mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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