i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
being pregnant is like rehab
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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