i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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