She announced her abortion via fbk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
