People with herpes should wear stickers.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
