why didn't you poke me back
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
