I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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