So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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