I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
