is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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