my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
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my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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