the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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