Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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