After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
