if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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