her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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