He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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