R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
