Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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