is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
